Hello love

Oh ho ho ho

2009-05-30T20:47:00.002+08:00

I think you all will be super mad when I announce this. I'm tired of Blogger and am back using LJ. But I'll be updating both blogs though;D So no need to relink or what-so-ever if you're lazy. If I'm officially moving, I'll send tag messages and what not to announce it;D Meanwhile, Pinkspotlights.livejournal.com is my LJ url. So, cheers;D

D:

2009-05-27T19:40:00.002+08:00

O level Chinese is next Monday. Oh my word.

I'm sorry for the selfish posts I put up. To think of it, it was immature. I do stupid things when I'm not thinking clearly. I'm glad Tieng talked to me. Expected it, but it made me feel better.

--

2009-05-26T19:17:00.002+08:00

Next time, don't raise my hopes.

Next time, don't raise my dreams.

Not make my head explode with thoughts and ambitions that will never happen.

Next time, don't tell me things that will never happen,

Don't promise me things that are not real.

Don't convince me of something that I'm not.

Because I don't want to go up and fall down.

I don't want my hopes to float up and burst mid way.

I don't want to fly high up and away

to find that I haven't moved at all.

I don't want to sing a happy tune

then realise I've been singing the wrong melody, the wrong note.

I don't want to be praised

because I know it'll become a bunch of lies someday.

I don't want to be called pretty,

Don't want to be called kind,

Don't want to be called polite,

Don't want to be called gifted,

Don't want to be called talented,

Don't want to hear people tell me things that I know comes through gritted teeth.

Don't say I smile nice,

Don't say I flow in the prophetic,

Don't tell me I have the preacher's anointing,

Don't tell me any of these things, unless it's confirmed.

I'm not pin pointing to anyone,

but I'm shouting to the world.

I just don't want to be let down any more.

Emotional, one sided posts are stupid, but it makes me feel better, because I can see what is really the fault in me.

When is it my turn?

2009-05-26T19:07:00.002+08:00

Don't understand,

No, you don't.

Wasn't "questioning you like that".

I thought you'd be able to tell

the pain in asking you.

I thought you'd be able to decipher

the meaning between words.

I want to know

I know I have faults

& I've been learning

I want to know

He's back so why aren't I?

Is what I did greater and bigger,

worse than his?

I asked you,

so that you could try to understand.

You were being literal.

I wasn't.

I guess that made all the difference.

When is it my turn to go back?

When is it my turn to lead?

I know I sounded rude and mean,

but the tone I sounded to myself was totally different,

it's via SMS, you see.

It's not about position; I'll repeat again.

Why does everyone think I'm wanting position.

If I wanted position,

I would have made things seem so perfect on the outside,

so I'll rise up faster.

But I'm not going for position.

I just want to lead again.

You still don't understand, I know.

Argh. Argh. Argh. Is it so hard to decipher my coded words and meanings?

P/S I really really want to go back to worship. I've always wanted to lead people in worship. He's back so why am I not? I thought you'd understand; once more I'm wrong, and all you've said before, were just plain words- nothing more.

Haji Lane, ECP photos

2009-05-25T20:03:00.004+08:00

Baked at Tieng's house today. I didn't know dark chocolate can be so bitter and disgusting, I'm never adding that to my muffins againD: But on the overall, I did well, I guess. 8.5/10 was the average score, and almost all of them gave me an 8. Haha:D I'll post photos of the baked products tomorrow or something.

I can't believe I spent the entire day doing Mother Tongue. It's just so weird. Tomorrow, I'll bring my jacket or I'll become a walking icicle!

I want to see God do something so great in Singapore and I believe the time has come. I can feel it so strongly. I know that God wants me to start praying, and this time I won't procrastinate, this time, I won't hold back. Because I know He wants to use me for something greater.

P/S Don't get my hopes up.

Haji Lane

2009-05-23T12:52:00.002+08:00

Thanks *Esther for directing us to Haji Lane:D Haha!

*She's my cousin- yes, my baptism name is her name. Heh.

Went with Dionne to see what kind of shops are there and it was kind of cool. Some guy asked if we wanted to Sheesha but we declined. I was stunned he actually asked, I don't think me and Dionne looked like we smoked .

Will post the photos up soon. And the photos on Wed when Tieng, Ami, Yok, Grace and I went ECP to skate:P Rona, we saw the "qiao pi gu guy" & he cut his hair until super short. HAHAHAA, the words in inverted commas were quoted from Rona, herself:D

Hoho, she's gonna kill me tomorrow;D

I'm such an airhead.

2009-05-21T17:46:00.002+08:00

I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such an airhead.
I'm such a freakin' airhead.

Failed 3 subjects. 2 of them are important. 3 I passed. But I didn't get the highest for any, I was expecting to get highest for Lit or F&N but no, I didn't. Argh. Stop telling me it's just MYE. It's not JUST. None of you understands. I'm a freakin' perfectionist. People who saw me draw before would know that so long it's not proportional, it's not well blended, it doesn't look good enough, I won't erase but I throw it away and re do from the scratch. ARGH.

P/S I'm no one's favourite.

Hello hello Zoie:D

2009-05-19T12:12:00.002+08:00

Going out with Aglin & Lyn later, hoho. I think Lukas & gang are joining us too. Then after that might be meeting Dionne for one of our weekly crap sessions. She's my personal psychiatrist, hahaa:D

I FEEL AWESOME TODAY.

Oh wait. Cos I am awesome:D

Relieved

2009-05-16T21:04:00.002+08:00

I just told my deepest, darkest, most horrible and longest secret today.

& I actually don't feel THAT ashamed.

& I actually feel relieved.

Thanks for listening and not changing your view of me, Jas.

The days flies

2009-05-14T21:31:00.002+08:00

I never really noticed how fast the days go by. It's already May. 'O's will be coming soon. Then after that, it's either I go Poly, Laselle, Shatec or retain sec4 to retake 'O's. Let's just say I make it to Poly/Laselle/Shatec, so after finishing that, where to next?

Everyone is thinking of after O's, but I'm thinking after Poly or where ever I'll be going, then what? What will I do? Find a job? Further studies? Try to get into a University or something? Overseas study? Part-time job, full-time job? Where would I go next? Will I excel? I'm worried.

And I'm also bloody annoyed. A lot of my friends in MSN has got a virus that keeps sending me websites. It's so irritating! I don't even talk to some of these people, roarrrr.

On to a lighter note, I can't wait to get things over and done with, but I don't want to grow up so fast. I haven't had my fun yet, I haven't messed around with other people and kicked enough adult butt yet! I haven't dated a single soul, I haven't drank enough alcohol (kidding, I'm never touching that horrible stuff again), I haven't loss enough money gambling during CNY ( kidding about this too:D), I haven't had a taste of being on the rebound, on the bad side. JOKE! Haha. I haven't gotten enough piercings yet! Another joke. But you get what I mean. I don't want to ever forget this period of my life. Somehow, I know it's the best part of life- you're young, foolish, stupid and yet can get away with almost anything; the part where you defy the rules, find yourself, experience life, relax and enjoy.

I don't want to grow old.

Sure, it'd be nice to find my soulmate, get married, have smelly children I won't even take care( kidding!) but I honestly prefer being free. Not tied down to a job I don't like, not being serious all the time, going to places I'll never want to go as an adult. Run around like a mad lady, catching a snowflake on my tongue, dancing in the rain, playing the swings and slides, kissing a dog's nose, pushing someone in the sea. Imagine an adult doing that, it's seriously weird. I don't want to grow up. I sound freakishly childish but isn't that the best part of growing up?

People tell you they still remember when they were our age, but do they really? Or have they forgotten how fun it was to violate a person's privacy in the toilet ( kidding:D), birthday bashing other people, throwing water bombs at a teacher ( joke!) and losing your handphone/wallet every now and then. Teen years, I don't want to waste them.

I WANNA STAY A

TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN.

Happy Birthday to May babes!

2009-05-13T16:18:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGLIN (11/5) AND NERISSA(13/5)

I hope you both enjoyed your presents: Aglin got a caricature of herself drawn by me and Rocky Road which I made by myself. Nerissa got a song written/played by me and sung by Dionne and I:DD Haha!

I'm putting up the recorded song. We wanted to sing it in front of Nessie but she was busy so we called her and sung it over the loudspeaker:P She was so touched, she cried. Now everyone go, awwww:DDDD Haha(: Honestly, I wrote it cos I didn't prepare anything as a gift, then I started to write a song. It took 5minutes, the shortest ever time taken to write a song that is actally sing-able and guitar-playable. Haha:P I would have put in more effort given more time, but it was 11 and I needed some shut eye:X I practiced it until my fingertips were hurting and numb, Dionne's a fast learner though. She learnt the song in less than 2 hours:P

On impulse, I'm going to name it My Friend:D Haha.

Don't know what you're going through
But I'm here for you
Don't know you're thinking
But I'm always here

Thousand of words I can say
But yet they cannot comprehend
How much you'll ever mean to me
Because you are my friend

Thoughts may crowd your mind at night
You fear you cannot sleep
But just to let you know that
All you've got to do
Is to take it all
One step at a time
You've got a long (long) way to go

Thousands of words I can say
But yet they cannot comprehend
How much you'll ever mean to me
Because you are my friend
It's your birthday today,
& I can't forget
No amount of words can erase the fact

You are my friend.

Hope you enjoyed it. My strumming was a little off cos I was distracted and because of that, the singing beat is a little off. My voice sounds muffled, it always does on recording. Dionne is hardly audible. Haha, but it's still nice all the same. Do comment and encouragements would be nice:D

Spoilt Brats deserves to be slapped

2009-05-11T18:30:00.002+08:00

Was on my way home today at the bus stop when this granny and her grandkid was sitting beside me and the grandmother was helping her put on her watch. She couldn't see the tiny hole properly so she accidently dropped it or something. The girl saw me staring at her cos she was insulting her grandmother saying that she's an old woman etc then the girl, not more than primary 2, proceeded to call her granny "silly grandmother" and "stupid" whilst kicking her leg. This entire time I was staring at the girl. When the grandfather finally came over, I had enough of her disrespectfulness and scolded the kid. It's like, what the crap, even I don't treat my grandparents like that. She gave me a defiant look at first then dropped the look only when I said, " You think you big ah, huh? Come lah, you think you small girl I don't dare hit ah? You just crossed the line when you kick your grandmother, so I don't care even if you cry."

I still think she deserves to be slapped, small kid or not.

Why no posts, Zoie?!

2009-05-10T10:23:00.023+08:00

Haha, the answer to that is that I've been busy taking photos, editing photos and uploading photos on DeviantART. It's super cool, I've always wanted to take photos and get comments about them and stuff, I want my own SLR, but it's too expensive): I love taking photos, not of myself (sometimes, okay:PPPP) but of...I don't know, lots of things, haha:D

I'll be posting up some that I've uploaded unto DeviantArt. Hopefully, Rona will tag me on facebook the photos we took yesterday during family dinner then I can post at least some unglamorous shots that will make you all laugh until the snot comes out from your nose:P

P/S I wonder what I'll do on Tuesday when I see you.

It's not fairrrr cos..

2009-05-05T21:19:00.006+08:00

Alex Mckee is freakin' hot and cute.

Alex Mckee is only 20.

Alex Mckee is a model.

However.

Alex Mckee is gay.

Good looks gone to waste, again.

HAHA.
P/S

If I see you tomorrow..

Photos

2009-05-04T18:55:00.011+08:00

Delayed photos. Prefect investiture.

I couldn't have survived Prefects without them:P

Me, Shivani and Mark; 3 suspended fools backstage.

Read the headlines.

The most bimbo but yet most lovable friend ever.

Full of crap, we are. Full of nonsense, we are.

Nessie!

I like the angle:P

I'm going to fail english, I just know it. I wrote a poem in school during Paper 2 today, just after I finished it. I wondered how Jesus would feel since people blame God all the time. So, I just picked up my pen and wrote it all down. Two pages, no joke.

I remember their faces,
I remember the places.
I remember their screams ringing,
Calling out to Me
Asking why I wasn't responding.

The muted mouths,
The empty eyes,
Their spirits gone,
Not going to fight.

I hear them asking
Why wasn't I there,
Why I let it happen,
If I even care.

They don't understand,
They know not why
That's why some of them,
They chose to die

Rather to face up,
Challenge their fears,
They bottle it up,
Run from what they held dear.

They tried- many times,
To seek out the truth,
They tell Me that
I'm a useless fool

They don't understand,
That I shared their pain.
When I died on that cross,
I took with me their shame

They chose to relive it,
To take it all back.
They don't want to let me
Take it away,
Because that's all the evidence I have
They'd say.

I really love you,
I really do.
But you never ever
let Me love you

You don't believe Me,
Still think it's My fault,
It hurts Me badly
But I don't say it at all.

I send those who believe
To spread the good news
But rather accept it,
You rejected the truth.

What can I do,
I ask Myself how,
I told the others,
It will all work out

The first step to forgiving
Is to know the way.
It's to tell the whole world,
You're done with the pain.

It's hard to forgive,
I've been there before,
But ever lasting love
Will see you through it all

How'd you think I survive that cross
Or how'd you know if I love you at all
Once more, I'd tell you
I've taken your place,
So don't take it back,
It isn't a game.

You can't turn back time,
You can't stop Me now,
Cos I'll do it again
To see you free-somehow.

The Father told Me
That's what I'll have to do
Carry the cross,
And die for you

His heart was breaking,
When He saw yours breaking too,
The Father- He ain't a fool.

He counts your tears,
Knows your fears,
He sent me,
and so now I tell you

John 3:16
ain't just a verse,
Not a sappy lovestory,
Not a love song- more than that.

Because He loves you,
Because I died,
So won't you let go,
Won't you try?

I know those images,
Will flash in your eyes,
But hang on tight
Cos it will heal- that wound in the heart,
That I promise,
That I keep,
Because salvation
Sets people free.

I WANT CURLED HAIR

2009-04-30T19:39:00.002+08:00

Ah, I'm glad there won't be school tomorrow. I'm totally zapped of life due to my F&N coursework. It's not that difficult,really. I just stress myself out a lot on that. I'm aiming for a high band, you see. This week passed extremely fast with many funny quote of which I totally forgot to post on the day itself and am too lazy to post now. It wouldn't be funny to you all anyway, because it's only funny at the point of time the person said it:/

Changing looks. Changing attitude. Changing personality. To be me.

Ah, God, deal with me.

I think my singing improved, PRAISE THE LORD! Haha:P From the day I started to have dreams of joining the worship ministry, waaaay back when I was still in FCBC, when I was about primary5, I told myself if I can sing, if I have a voice to sing, I will sing it to God. Honesly, I haven't really been living up to that promise. After not being in worship ministry, the secular and contemporary songs in my iPod grew numurous, almost equal to my christian ones. I wanted to get more songs, but christian & secular/contemporary. However, I didn't have the money. Recently, I felt God reminding me of my promise I made when I was younger. I started singing Beautiful Saviour, making up songs for God. Somehow, my singing changed. I'm glad I remembered the promise, I'm glad I made God glad.

Took bus 5 by accident today, I thought it was 9 so I hurriedly board it, until I realise it turned towards CGH..thank God I got off, haha! I missed my bus, 31, but God somehow let the next bus 31 arrive earlier than before:DDDD Hee.

I wonder how big God really is. I wonder how magnificent He really is. I wonder if the solar storm will come to pass, if it's a sign of the end times. If this Swine Flu is part of the package. I wonder.

P/S Stop being so nice to be. I feel bad cos I honestly don't feel that way for you.

Delayed photos, Prefect Investiture Unfairness & whatever that's going on

2009-04-28T20:04:00.002+08:00

Today was Prefect Investiture. Many asked where was I and I'm not going to repeat myself: I was backstage with Mark and Shivani. We were not allowed on stage to partake of the investiture. Why? Because we are suspended prefects, all the way to the end.

The most ridiculous part was that I actually bothered going for the rehearsals and the blazer fitting and in the end, I wasted my time because I didn't need to go on stage at all. It's unfair, that's my opinion. We were handed our certs backstage, not allowed back to class and not allowed to go on stage. People were asking were was I since I wasn't on stage or with my class. That K really loves to embarrass us, even until the end. I was super sad, angry and felt like although we deserved to not be on stage, at least let us go back to class. I missed an entire math lesson because of it. After 4 years, I joined at the last few months of sec 1 and got suspended to the end at the begining of sec 4, I did almost as much work as Charlotte and I still got a bronze badge whilst there were certain people, who didn't do duty or ushering; they've got silver.

I even feel they should get all those who were once prefects who actually served wholeheartedly, people like Aglin who turned up for ushering with Lyn etc- to go on stage and get at least a certificate for helping out even though they quitted. It's up there that we'll get recognition and the three of us were denied of it, made fools out of and our time ended just like that. Haha, very funny.

Anyway, on a lighter note, due to a certain time of the month for a girl, my lower body hurt like no body's business and I didn't study with Tieng & the others or go for Chem remedial. Instead, I stayed at home, wanting to study and sleep. I called up Dionne to have lunch and in the end, we didn't really do much studying. But hey, if we were at the library, we WILL study. No joke:P

Currently, I'm in love with the song About you now sang by Miranda Cosgrove(sp?). Tired, not hungry, shall sleep soon although it's so early.

Facebook

2009-04-27T19:01:00.002+08:00

I thank God for helping me move on.

Koh Jiahao Shaun

Koh took the what hollywood actress are you? quiz and the result is you are angelina jolie!
Consistently ranked at the top of all the "sexiest women" lists, You simply ooze sex appeal. You are the epitome of beauty whether you are wearing a headscarf in an African refugee camp or donning a designer gown on the red carpet.You always look hot, even when you're not trying.You are simply the most beautiful woman in the world.

That made me laugh like no body's business:P F&N test tomorrow. Oh boy, I hope I didn't forget what I have learnt.

P/S I've guessed your intentions, but are they accurate?

How many times.

2009-04-23T14:54:00.003+08:00

How many times must I endure sexual harassment and molestation? Twice it was on purpose, another two times I felt harassed and another two times it was an accident but their hands still hit the wrong parts. 6 times in all including the one I've just suffered. I'm now in the school lab. How many times will then it be enough?

I told myself after the second time I will not cry. I'm still crying. I want to be a guy. The main reason: I can do whatever I want and more or less not be harassed.

Don't tell me you know how it feels because you don't. Today it was an accident. Who knows, tomorrow it may become rape. Today it was an accident, but that accident caused me to get hurt. I don't want to cry, I don't want to hate almost all men and male animals alike. Many wondered why I like female animals to male. That I shun from Dionne's dog and my cousin's dog. They ask me why, I told them I've something against males. I don't tell them it's because I relate some human males to male animals, accident or not, it still happened.

Charlotte once asked me how will I treat my boyfriend, if ever, I get one. And I told her in her face I don't know but I'll most likely not touch him. I'm afraid. I'm not lying. And yet, I'm still crying.

P/S Because you always get the good stuff. Because I'm always a victim.

?!

2009-04-21T18:36:00.001+08:00

I honestly wonder if I said something wrong. Are you angry again? Or is it because of her and because I know her that's why you aren't speaking to me. Again.

Tiring day. Nothing much to say. Lots of thoughts running through my head.

P/S Are you mad at me? If you are, say so.

Stories

2009-04-20T21:36:00.002+08:00

If some of you dumb half-wits didn't notice, I've placed a new link and it's titled Stories. Well, I've written 3. 2 of the posts are labelled as Homebound which is about fantasy or should I say, Sci fiction. The latest one is labelled Saving father, it's about this Christian girl who has a father who was once a pastor but due to some unforeseen circumstances, he was forced to resign and started falling in sin. Just read it, I'm too lazy to summarise:P

Well, anyway, comments will be much appreciated. It's more like a reflection on the things I encounter or imagine:P I think Saving Father will turn out pretty nice since it's not about some stupid nonsense like a girl turns christian because she fell in love with a boy and the guy's brother tries to woo her and what not. That's just too cliche. I think this one will some how be able to relate. I'm not sure, but I'm hoping it'll be a hit. Heh.

Who is the one?

2009-04-20T20:37:00.003+08:00

Had fever this afternoon. Vomited a little due to gastrics.

AND!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I LEFT 2 OF MY SUBWAY COOKIES AT DIONNE'S HOUSE!!!!!!

ROARRRR.

Met her up to study. In the end, when we reached her house, we curled my hair, pinned up my fringe, and hey, I didn't look half that bad. I even think I look better without fringe with curled hair. I am bent on dying my hair a golden brown with blonde highlights and curling it after Os. A new look before going to a new place. Hoho! I'm debating on fringe or no fringe, center or side. Haha, I'm such a girl:P

P/S She just that girl. She gets hurt and you won't know. Cos it's all part of the show. You don't see, but tears flow free. You don't see, cos she's gotta put up a show.

Not bloody funny

2009-04-19T21:29:00.003+08:00

This was how my day looked like.

Freaking not funny. Girl, look at yourself in the mirror before opening your fat mouth. Watch out, step across that line and it'll become something you'll never imagine.

P/S This is the reason why I'm not in your church.

Speech Day

2009-04-17T22:43:00.002+08:00

Woah, screwed up the first part. But the ending was really good, we all did well, I guess. Had gastric in the end, vomited all my dinner out and now I'm freaking hungry. I can't have anything to drink too cos I'll vomit it out. Stupid, right!

SNCO Darren will be going off tomorrow for his attachment thing. Wanted to send him off like how me and aglin sent Zhi Hao but he told us he won't be flying but will be leaving at the port instead. Sucks:P

I can't explain how fustrated and mixed feelings I'm feeling right nowD:

Changkat's news wasn't as big as a certain's school's one. Although I kind of figured out the school already, I'm not naming the school. But it is definately unfair to state our school name in the New Paper. It's not fair, but thank God the section was a small part only. I still stand my ground that he wasn't entirely at fault.

Aglin, Davior, Jie Ming, Hong Pin, Nigel and Joshua went to eat dessert after Speech Day. Though I still felt like vomiting, I ate ice ka chiang(sp?). Been so long since I ate it. Crapped around a lot. Recently, we've been using Stomp!'s readers' comments, the bad ones, and calling ourselves babarians, animals and hooligans; making fun of each other. It was retarded but funny. At least we still know how to have fun. Am I hurt by the comments? Yes. Am I making fun of myself to pretend I'm okay with being called so nasty names? Yes. But what can I do?

P/S: Stop leading me on. I freaking hate the phrase, "Kinda busy". It seems now you're forever busy. I don't even know if I like you or if I don't like you. Why?

What's that hoo ha?

2009-04-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

By now, most of you would have heard of the case of Changkat Changi School Boy Punching a Bus Driver. My point of view on this is that yes, he shouldn't have punched the bus driver, but did anyone think what might have triggered the attack?

I've known the boy since sec2, although not close, I know he doesn't always strike out like that. Sure, he is a "hooligan" if you must label him, but there were people posting comments saying that the driver had used crude words against him and his family. If I were him, honestly, I'd strike out too. It was also said that the bus driver threw the cup at his head. I guess that was why he had hit back.

If you had the sense to think, not all CCSS students are "animals, hooligans, gangsters, useless piece of shit, lousy.." and these are just some of the words you have been flaming us for. It isn't the Principal's fault that my schoolmate reacted this way. I remember just a few months back, another two boys that I know in my school returned a wallet they had found containing a large sum of money. They even went all the way to the person's house to deliver it to him/her. See, not all students are gangsters.

Yes, some of us do act like hooligans, but isn't that part of growing up? Didn't you remember when you were younger, when you wanted to fit in to what you thought was the "in" crowd? People obviously have different thinking of who the "in" people are, so these handful of people might think that the "in" thing now is to be cool like gangsters. Yes, acting gangster-ish ( there isn't such a word, but I am after all a teen) is not appropriate but did you even take the time out to understand them and think of why they chose to become like that? Did you take time out, talk and build a bond with one of them to find the root of the problem? The bane of their existence?

Honestly, don't tell me counselling. How much cases can a school counsellor handle? She can't possible focus on so many cases at once AND undoubtedly, there needs to be a certain level of trust and intimacy between the two if you want to dig deep. How far can a counsellor squeeze out from constant pestering. I for one know that if my school counsellor pestered me, I'll just retaliate and then stay silent. These people need guidence, they need someone willing to take time out just to be with them and just have a small chat. Don't you recall how you were once a teen? You may say yes, but trust me, most of you would only remember images because as time passes, our memories will get jumbled or fade. It's a proven fact, so don't tell me you can remember EXACTLY what happened. Things are bound to change.

I'm fed up with the stares I get these days when I get on the bus or MRT. It's not my fault I look like an "ah lian", if you please. It's not my fault that I sometimes stare at people, it's a habit. Just for a person's folly, the entire school is dragged down. So next time if you tell me you're not prejudice, I'm going to scream at you: Oh, crap, you are! Because most people are prejudiced, it's like Maycomb all over again. Even I, myself, admit to being prejudiced to certain things. So by saying you're not prejudiced against anything, doesn't that make you two faced because if I told you to marry a Bangladashi(sp) worker, most of you would cringe at the very thought.

______________________________

Seriously, I'm starting to hate Stomp! now. It takes away people's privacy. Don't tell me it's to let us be aware of things around us. It just makes the world seem a much more morbid place to live in. Imagine you pick your nose or just held your lover's hand and SNAP, it's on Stomp! wouldn't you feel angry?

_______________________________

Sent Zhi Hao off today, he won't be coming back till next year, I honestly regretted not talking much to him before seeing him go off:P Tomorrow is Speech Day, I wonder how things will turn out after the recent events. Mrs T showed us during CME lesson today, as an educational thing. At first, we all laughed at the comments and slowly, some of us started getting upset and angry. We conceled it well though, making light out of it, but through words, I think they could tell how we were feeling.

I can't stretch my legs! After yesterday's run and rehearsal, I can't sit down or squat, let alone use the toilet properly without painD: Horrible. I'm never running AND marching on the same day again.

P/S You're a moron.

Tiredddd

2009-04-15T20:20:00.002+08:00

Had F&N practical today. Wilbert's supposedly spongecake was really a SPONGE cake. The thing was so hard it could crack a straight line through when you cut it apart, no joke. My avgolemono with macaroni didn't turn out as bad as I thought it will. Hee. I'm happy about that but Mdm Siti told me to change my recipe! Roar. It's not fairDDD: I can't think of anything else. I think. Haha!

Currently playing Restaurant City on FB. Haha, lame I know:P

P/S wow.

I'm bored shitless.

2009-04-14T20:25:00.003+08:00

Read the title.

Roarrr, I'm at my wits end with nothing to do. My throat feeling constricted like no one's business and my nose feels stuffed up because I turn on the air conditioner. Don't tell me to off it cos it's just so freakin' hot. Rah.

Surfed the net until there's nothing to surf cos there's no new wave coming in. See, I'm so bored that I've now officially become lame. I should go buy sweets. Oh wait, that's right, MY MOTHER DECIDED TO GIVE ME DAILY ALLOWANCE INSTEAD OF MONTHLY. Wait another minute, because she's so used to putting it into my account and thinks I still have money, SHE FORGOT TO GIVE ME MY ALLOWANCE TODAY.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry. Just serverly pissed that I can't have the freedom to buy my on stuff at random anymore.

P/S Have you ever wondered why no guys ever liked you or like you? Cos I'm wondering that now. If you're a guy and you're reading this: Please, freakin' tell me so I know what's wrong with me and my hormones.

Speech Day

2009-04-14T17:52:00.002+08:00

I went for Art Club today and boy, how I missed it. Heh, dabbled with spray paints today and got my thumbnail all yellow by accident. Tomorrow is yet another rehearsal and the actually one will be on Friday. All this preparation just to stand there for 30 minutes of glory. What joy*.

*Note the sarcasm.

Anyway, I suddenly have no mood to blog. I'm currently reading The Legend of Drizzt, super interesting! I'll be borrowing the third book from Dillon, hopefully he has already finished it. Haha! I shall admit: I'm a reada-tic. I'll read anything. Even languages I don't understand. So long it's a language with words on something, I'll read it:P

And yet

2009-04-12T09:47:00.002+08:00

You don't seem to realise how hurt I was when you didn't mention me. Maybe I'm that invisible to you after all. I want to be the one who understands too, don't you see?

Going to church later, finally there's duty:DD I kind of miss the two teams thing cos it was fun doing alternately. Well, I'm going to get ready now. Dionne and I overslept so didn't go jogging. Wanted to go stretch at the fitness corner but Dionne wanted to sleep, so to prevent myself from embarrassing myself, I didn't go. Pffftt.

About her

2009-04-11T22:00:00.003+08:00

I used to look up to her as my role model. Someone I wanted to be. She'd tell me vulgarities were for stupid people and whenever I saw her phone those few saturday nights, were only full of Christian songs. Where'd she go? Surprisingly, we went to the same church. Then, she was gone. Just like that. I miss her. I don't like seeing her smoking, drinking. Sheesha is counted as smoking if you look at it. Drinking, some how doesn't feel right. That day, I drank on my cousin's wedding. The thrill, the excitment. It still pulses through me when I remember my first sip, but I know it's only me. It can be stopped. But you, the person I wanted to be. You're so different now. Or perhaps you were always like that, just that I never really took the time to figure you out properly after all.

I hope you read my blog, cousin. I really do. It's an honest opinion on how I see you now, don't be offended. I really love you lots, I don't want to see youd drifting off. It's just not right.

Will be going jogging tomorrow early in the morning. Dionne, if you don't wake up, I'll fall right back to sleep after calling you three times, I promise!

If I told you I lie sometimes,
If I told you I run away,
If I told you who I was before,
Would you follow me?

If I told you I sneak sometimes,
If I told you I love too much,
If I showed you the other side,
Would you follow me?

I'm shedding my skin so you can see my face,
I need you to know who I am.
I'm ready to go where I've never been.
Will you stay around and follow me?

If I told you the earth was square,
If I told you water wasn't wet,
If I told you life was fair,
Would you follow me?

I'm shedding my skin so you can see my face,
I need you to know who I am.
I'm ready to go where I've never been.
Will you stay around and follow me..

Song: Idina Menzel- If I told you.

What's wrong with me?

2009-04-11T11:09:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling very tired now a days even though recently I've been getting plenty of sleep. Is it that I'm not eating right or because of the rehearsals and activities? Heh.

I tried out one of my recipes, the Grilled Salmon with Sauce au Beurre, it was fantastic. The fish was a little mushy at the edges though, so I might have to cook it a little longer, but on the over all, it was delicious!

Nothing to blog really. Tampines 1 is really crowded, won't be going back soon unless the crowds go awaaaaayyy. I'm reading this new book I borrowed from Dillon, I'll be reading the second book on Monday when he lends it to me:DDDDD Hohoho! I'm a happy girl.

Laptop's down

2009-04-07T19:23:00.001+08:00

My laptop's internet is OUT OF SERVICE again. Argh. It's not fair. I can't post all my silly photos now! Tomorrow is Speech Day Full Dress Rehearsal. Aye, it's going to be a long tiring day. I'm too lazy to download the new messenger, as a procrastinator, I've been successfully putting it off until just now. Then, I clicked a wrong button and now I have no clue what-so-ever how to download it. Roar.

I'm gonig to add some new things to my blog posts once more. Like the bolds, italics and underlines might have color or what not. I'm glad I went jamming today, although it was unsyncronised and all, it was fun, reguardless. I'm tempted once more to write a short story. Haha! I think I'll put it off.

See, I'm such a procrastinator:P And I have resolved to jog every friday after SJAB at the school track. It's pathetic, I know, the track I mean. But it's what I have to do to turn my once-muscled-legs into something as glamourous as me again. HAHA, whatever, Zoie.

My last sports day in CCSS

2009-04-03T22:37:00.003+08:00

Hoho, last year in CCSS(hopefully) and last Sports day. I ran for the first time for SJAB. Now my leg hurts. I realised my speed decreased over the years and now I have more stamina. Heh. The most bimbotic thing I heard today was:

Someone: Come, come, eat, eat!
Bimbo: Err. Mmm. Hmm..
Someone: Why? Are you vegetarian?
Bimbo saying in an excited manner: Yah! I'm vegetarian. I don't eat meat! (Like DUH)..But I eat fish! ( ?!)

~~Honestly, she deserves to be slapped.~~ I take back what I said, I think she needs logic lessons and read up the dictionary for the word VEGETARIAN.

veg⋅e⋅tar⋅i⋅an

–noun
1.
a person who does not eat or does not believe in eating meat, fish, fowl, or, in some cases, any food derived from animals, as eggs or cheese, but subsists on vegetables, fruits, nuts, grain, etc.

–adjective
2.
of or pertaining to vegetarianism or vegetarians.
3.
devoted to or advocating this practice.
4.
consisting solely of vegetables: vegetarian vegetable soup.

Hey you!

2009-04-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

If you're pissed at me, tell me, so at least I know if I should make it up to you.
If you want to be left alone, tell me, so I won't feel like I'm wasting time.
If you find me annoying, I'd rather you tell me now.

Hoho, my legs are aching like no body's business now. Trained for tomorrow's run with Charlotte, Mira and Michelle. I think I don't have speed anymore, only staminaD: I don't feel like blogging much today.

So much left unsaid. I think I miss you.

Speech Day Rehearsals are killer!

2009-04-01T20:38:00.002+08:00

HAPPY ARPIL FOOL'S!

Just came back from Speech Day, even though I'm sick, I still had to attendD: Felt like fainting halfway, thank God I didn't. Anyway, I started my Pre-April Fools prank yesterday and it succeeded:D Woohoo, 3 people fell for my trick. I didn't get pranked yet though, I'm still waiting:P

I liked last year's prank though, I told most of my friends I was leaving for Australia, and some of them wanted to plan a fare-well party and I remember a few of the juniors in my school cried. HAHA. Super funny but I felt mean, hoho!

I think I'll stop here:D Haha, I'm off to prank more people:D

Bye world

2009-03-31T20:35:00.002+08:00

Read the title and weep.

To Dionne, Su Tieng, Joana, Charlotte, Aglin, Lyn, Yok Fong, Amelia: Thanks for taking all my nonsense and especially to Dionne, Charlotte, Nerissa, Aglin and Lyn: thanks for listening to my rants, craps, stupid stuff, absolute gay-factor and randomness.

To Cell: Haha. I'll miss you all.

To Joshua Foo, Jaime and Dorisa: Finally got to see you guys! Other than Dori that is:/ But take care alrights! Don't miss me(:

To Mommy & Daddy: Thanks for taking my nonsense and I know you both won't be reading this anywayD:

Once again,

BYE WORLD.

Pictures of yesterday

2009-03-30T21:35:00.004+08:00

Jaime and I. She's gotten prettier((:

The smelly Foosball is hiding behind his hands, act cute only:P

Last of all:
Should I buy this top? It looks nice, but I'm still debating on it.

My mother's back from climbing Mt Kinabalu, how ever it is spelt. She bought me a toy Orangutan, I'm still thinking on what to name it. I have already Momo so don't give me a name like Bobo or MiMi or some double name. I want something random like..Coke, or It, or Anything, or just...Something. Suggestions, anyone?

Yesterday

2009-03-30T09:58:00.002+08:00

I'm smiling now.

Just to make things clear, and to say things I couldn't say:

I wasn't crying about the position. I wasn't crying because I'm out of vocals. It was because I can't help it but cry, I have no reason for my tears. It wasn't me who felt it was unjustice, it was my best friend. To me, I've accepted the decision and I silently agreed to it in my heart. I can't answer you when you ask me why I cry because there was no answer for it.

I didn't complain about the decision, in fact, I thought it was what was best. Dionne was only voicing out her opinion on the matter, and everyone knows she seldom comes to church and that actually doesn't help the situation for she does not understand how things work so don't blame her. I've talked to her already and she's stubborn, but at least I know she WILL stop harping on the topic. Won't you, Dionne? Haha.

Anyway, I'm willing to change, I never said I didn't want to. It wasn't about pride, everyone just came to me, telling me what I've done wrong but most of them didn't offer an alternative. Not because I know I'm wrong and I still do it, but because I know I'm wrong and no one told me otherwise what methods I can use to keep myself from giving a "black face" or showing attitude. I wasn't showing attitude, maybe at times. But Dionne posed a very good question: Why was she showing attitude? Dionne knows I don't just anyhow show attitude. There must have been a reason, but no one asked me why.

It wasn't that I didn't want Jasmin there, it was because she'll keep talking and talking about stuff that won't register in my head. I want her to be there, just be there. Not to talk, but just sit beside me and let me know that she's there. Sometimes, I feel invisible to her, because there's so many things going on, so many new comers, that I feel like they'll need her more. But what I want is just a bit of her time when she's around them, just that little bit. She's always either with new comers or Valerie, I don't blame her, Val's her best friend and a very fun person to hang around. If it were me, I'd hang out with someone that fun too. But then, if she has time to hang out with her best friend, why not me? Is it cos I'm too self-centered? That many a times I LOOK like I'm self-pity? Is it cos I didn't meet up with my own sheep because they said they were busy that's why that's what I'm getting? I'm honestly confused. I want to find a way out and I will pray. But won't some one come up to me and say," Hey, I'm with you." Thanks, A. Thanks for the tag(:

Had to meet up with Joshua Foo yesterday because Dionne wanted to pass him something to pass to someone. Complicated, i KNOW! I didn't expect to see Jaime and Calvin there too. In the end, instead of returning back to Marine Parade area to study, Dionne and I were supposedly to walk around Suntec to window shop, when we got to the very top level, we saw Joshua, Jaime and Calvin again! Jaime wanted to catch up with me and Dionne so we decided to walk around a bit. Don't know where the two guys went BUT after that, we found where they were and sat down to play Joshua Foo's guitar. Haha, I saw Jordon and another guy which Jaime told me his name was 'Gay'. It was actually Johnathan or something, haha!

Ate Pepper Lunch for dinner then we all went home. Jaime went off first and Dionne and I abducted Joshua's guitar, forcing him to go downstairs my block to sing or we'll not only scratch his beloved guitar but also blackmail him:DD Hoho. He did sing, but so wee-bit soft only ants can hear him! I'm an ant and I can hear him:D That was how I knew which part of the song he was at. Even the strumming was louder than his voice! It wasn't that bad though, he didn't sound that bad as he made himself out to be. Sent Dionne home then sent Joshua to the bus stop. You all will be like, HEY, isn't the GUY supposed to be the one to send girls home. Let me tell you something:

If I'm a guy, I'd be the most handsomest guy around!

HAHA!

What it feels like

2009-03-29T10:14:00.003+08:00

Do you know how my life feels like right now? It's like I'm walking, skipping alone the path and someone just comes up to me slaps me on the face so hard that I fall backwards and hit my head on the lamp post. And if that isn't bad enough, after hitting the lamp post, I fall forwards and hit my nose on the sidewalk. As I stand up, wobble and step forward, slipping on a banana skin. Laugh, I don't care, but that's how I feel now. And I know what's going to happen next, I'm going to walk across a door and the door opens and slams into my entire being. Just watch, people, it's bound to happen.

Why?

2009-03-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

She hails a taxi, her face stained with tears. The driver pulls up,
"Where to, miss?", he asked.
She enters the cab, slamming the door shut,
"Anywhere but here." She managed to whisper.
The driver sighed slowly, this was not his first encounter with passengers like that. He started up his taxi and drove off. He intended to just go around the neighbourhood at a slow pace, so the meter would not shoot up, so that the girl had time to cry.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was her new song she'd written. Walk, she called it. The tune still fresh in her mind, tears started forming all over. Hurriedly, she crushed the paper. Almost immediately, she regretted her action. She opened the paper once more, another surge leapt at her to crush it. Hot wet droplets dripped down her chin, smudging the ink of the song. She rolled down the window and as the taxi continued moving, she let go of the paper, watching it sail to other end. She did not need the paper, the song already embedded in her heart.

It had hurt. She did not understand why. They did not tell her how, only what she did wrong. She felt the tip of her ear, the piercing was gone. She threw the stud away and into the drain on her way to the bus stop. Countless of times she had tried to send signals for help, many times she was turned away or ignored. Couldn't people feel? She would ask herself, Can't people tell? The taxi had made its third round from the place she boarded.

"Uncle, just drop me off here."
"Yes, yes. Sure. $6 please." he said gruffly.
She reached into her pocket, a crumpled five dollar and a dirty one dollar coin. As she passed the money to the man in front, she smiled.
"Nice meeting you," she sniffed, " Have a great day."
Then, she got out of the cab and walked all the way home.

Delayed Pictures 2

2009-03-26T19:09:00.010+08:00

Finally, the photos are up:D Hahah! I don't want to talk about what the WWE( Wicked Witch of the East) did to me and I will not reveal her identity in case I get into more serious trouble. Oh and I love Subway's cookies!

Delayed Photos

2009-03-25T22:15:00.005+08:00

FORGET IT, I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO UPLOAD ANYMORE. Waste my time! Stupid blogger picture uploading thing just doesn't like me. And this two is one of those unglam shots of me! D:

Let's call this the What Ever post.

2009-03-24T21:26:00.003+08:00

Whatever.

Haha, okay, back to my life. Shoo, all you people who do not give two hoots about my life:D I just want to record down stuff that happened today. Hoho, weeeelll, had Sports Heats today and I have SJAB duty. Quite fun, on the account I had someone chatting with me via SMS to entertain me. Charlotte was no help until the end where everything ended and we saw this reaaallly cute Caucasian guy. Hee. Not going to say that we watched him play soccer a bit and made Mark and Jordan wait for us, begging us to go off and how Mark treated me to SubWay's famous cookies.....

Whoops:P

Maggie came for POA today;D Had fun catching up with her, I shall not bother about what others think about her, it's not my problem until I really catch her doing what other people say. It's not fair to her, in a way if things kept passing around that could be untrue or true. Well, she had a fun time in Tioman. Oh, how much I miss diving, man!

Anyway, I wrote two new songs. Haha, somehow listened to Su Tieng's one on FB and kind of, well, got encouraged to write again.

Forever

Jesus, You give me all I need
My everything.
Lord my God
You reign
In Your presence I will stay

Lord, I will run to You
And fall down in worship
Angels rejoice and sing

Chorus:Forever, Forever
Jesus, You are
You are
My Mighty God

Saviour, You give me grace to live
When I'm scared
I know that faith is all I'll need

And, Lord, I'll run to You
And fall down in worship
Angels rejoice and sing

Chorus

Bridge: I'll sing of Your endless love
I'll dance before You,
let the righteous cry out

Walk

Dance in these shoes
They don't fit, I know
Hobbling, walking
I'm going slowly
Slowly

I can't feel You near
But I'll have the faith to walk
All I've got to do
is to stand up

Giants, they scare me
But all I need is faith
Walk three steps
You'll catch me there

And

I will sing, sing of You
Reaching out, touch Your truth
God, I know
Faith will grow
So let me walk by You

Dance in these shoes
they don't fit, I know
I'm going slowly
Slowly

I can't feel You near
but I'll have the faith to walk
Three steps forward
You'll catch me there

And

I will sing, sing of You
Reaching out to touch Your truth
God, I know
Faith, it will grow
So let me walk by You

Dance in these shoes,
they're slipping in, I know
I'm going slowly.

At least I'm going.
Slowly

More Wrong by the minute

2009-03-23T18:30:00.002+08:00

Guan Hong and Dillon wanted me to post something about them, so here goes nothing:

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.
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Guan Hong loves Dillon.

Done:D

Hoho, they're going to kill me but I doubt Guan Hong or Dillon actually remembers my blog url. I had Math and POA remedial. Skipped POA because I'm going to drop it anyway. I went outside the Commerce Room to do my math with Howard, Dyaana and the rest of the few 5N Art students:D Being with them is waaaaay more enjoyable than rotting inside an air-conditioned room with hardly anyone to talk to. Because I was being stupid today, I forgot that Math remedial ends at 3.45pm and thus I went back in at 3.10pm. Dumb right?!

Spent the rest of the lesson listening to Zuhir crap about Mr S & how to get out of POA class. I successfully got out because once Mr S allowed people out, I ran to the ladies. Okay, not ran but sneaked to the ladies which was beside the CR. Stayed there for less than 5minutes then went East Point to lunch with Nicholas who treated me to LJS:D AND NICHOLAS I FOUND OUT WHO YOUR BROTHER ISSSSSSS. HAHA!

My throat feels raw and scratchyDDDD: Today is the last vocal lesson, I'll miss the people from the other churches - just when I decided to make new friends. Hah.

I hate to have nothing left to blog about today. Oh, and I really enjoy using Twitter:D Ho!

Blahhhh

2009-03-22T10:56:00.002+08:00

Why are you so blind?! Can't you tell? At first, you seemed cool enough to totally reply me and chat with me via SMS when I was at the Ice Rink, but now, we've hardly talk. AND IT WAS A SPAN OF NOT EVEN ONE WEEK BUT A FEW DAYS! What's up with you, man? Do you dig me or not? I'm tired of playing this game. Always, my best friend had been the one who was good with guys, getting asked for her number and all the stuff I can never get to experience. She claims she has lower self esteem. What about me then? What about me?

Hello all! Haven't been blogging much lately due to LoudFest'09. I'm so tired at the end of the day until I couldn't be bothered to blog, hee. Supposed to meet up Jaime, Joshua and Dorisa yesterday but we didn't meet, due to certain reasons. Really disappointed, wanted to catch up with them for so long. The last time we met was last year, I think around this time also? Or was it during the June Holidays? I can't recall. But I don't think it was during the March holidays because I would have been diving. But wait, I didn't go diving last year. Okay, I should stop confusing myself:P

I'm off to praise Jesus now! Haha, I'm still tired. Still tired. Bye!

Should I?

2009-03-17T15:36:00.001+08:00

Bored with no shit to do. I feel like changing my blogskin. Oh, boy.

Yesterday

2009-03-17T08:55:00.004+08:00

All that was yesterday;D

I'll have tuition today at 4.30pm. Supposed to go tanning with Eileen and Esther but my tuition couldn't delay anymoreD: On the bright side, I'll be eating Fish & Co. tonight cos of my exam results:DDDDDDD Finally, I got an A1, for the first time, I realised I'm actually good at something!

Sec1 Camp

2009-03-16T21:32:00.004+08:00

Shall not blog on every single minute detail about the sec1 camp. I'll try to get the photos and post them up(: Haha. Today was a fun day!

I'LL MISS ALL YOU INSTRUCTORS)): Must add me on Facebook okay! And send me the photos people! (I know there's more:D)

BACK

2009-03-15T18:24:00.001+08:00

Back. Nauseous. Tired. Loved every minute in camp. I'm gonna sleep now.

Twitter Twitter Chatter

2009-03-12T19:14:00.004+08:00

Yesss, I know. I've just signed up for Twitter, I did it eons ago, but I left that old account to rot then suddenly, I'm back using it again, HAHA! I can't believe I scored so low for Literature, I know I did well for English and I know I did well for F&N but I still can't believe my Literature dropped till so low. I expected an 18. Not a 14. It's like. RAH.

I'll be going to camp on Friday until Sunday, I think I might get my mother to write a letter to let me leave earlier from the camp so I can rush to church for Greeters. I miss serving badly, it somehow cheers me up to be able to cheer up other people who walk into church not smiling. Or I might do what I did last year, tell Mr Oh on the day itself that I need to leave early and he might say yes. I know he did say yes last year. Hee.

I'm really gonna work hard after this holidays, no more fooling around! I need to get better grades to get good results for 'O's. I might consider going into JC even though I know it'll be tough. It's worth the shot though;D

And it's all Renny's fault, now I feel like eating Swensens cos he kept saying,

"I'm so going to Swensens!"

Urgh, I'll be missing Zion cos I need to get my camp stuff. I haven't even packed yet. How last minute of me, as usual;D

Saturday

2009-03-10T18:57:00.002+08:00

Pictures from my phone on Sat. The rest are with the others which I didn't really bother to go FB or their blogs to grab. Heh.

What should I have for dinner? I'm left all alone in the dusty smelly old house again. I think maybe BK, but my ma will kill me once she finds out I'm still having fast food even though I'm sick. Hoho.

Still Sick

2009-03-10T18:21:00.000+08:00

I WANT A POLAROID CAMERA.

Stupid.

2009-03-09T18:36:00.002+08:00

ARGGHHH. I'm so STUPID.

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

The paper was so easy and yet I failed by two marks. TWO MARKS. How am I supposed to sit for Os and pass when I can't even manage to pass SUCH A FREAKINNNNNNG SIMPLE PAPER. IT'S SO SIMPLE I BET IF I JUST WENT THROUGH A LITTLE OF THE TOPICS THE VILLIAGE IDIOT CAN GET TOP.

ARGH.

This isn't helping me get well. THAT isn't helping either. RAGH, IF I FAIL ANY MORE SUBJECTS THAT I NEED FOR Os, I'LL CRY.

On a lighter note, I'm going for camp this friday to sunday. And I've developed an interest for Egyptian royals. Like Nefertiti and Tiyre. Nice names. Aye, this is so

ROARROAROARAORAORAOROAROARAORRRR.

Mathhhh

2009-03-06T22:05:00.003+08:00

I only got back my Chinese Common Test results. I've gotten a 20/50, failed by just 5marks. I'm still happy though:D Cos this means I won't be getting an F9. Woohoo:DDD Anyway, if I want to get back my English papers on Monday, I'd have to rush through an essay. Problem is, I left the worksheet with the topics in school. I'm such a "good" girl.

I think I really like you. Make me stop liking you. ROAR.

Waking up early tomorrow, I'm going for Sec1 camp next week so having bonding tomorrow. Ah ah ah, there's a downside too, I might be late for church AND I have Greeters that day, SO I might decide to leave on Saturday night;D Or very early on Sunday morning. Heh. I haven't been doing Greeters for so long that I miss it. YES, I MISS MY MINISTRIES OKAY:D

Saw Siew Jean and Kar Hwang today. OH MY MA, SIEW JEAN AND KAR HWANG. I laugh, though I wonder how they met. I remember vaguely Kar Hwang telling me about her or someone that he knows who is my primary school classmate. Maybe it's her, I'm not sure..

SundaySundaySunday, we'll see.

MATH CT TOMORROW

2009-03-05T19:33:00.000+08:00

I'm deciding if I should have dinner. Hmm.

OH MY MA

2009-03-04T20:49:00.001+08:00

OH MY CRAAAAPPPP. I JUST FOUND OUT SOMETHING SHOCKINGGGG.
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BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

It makes me laugh like crap whenever I think about it.

I can't be bothered thinking of titles

2009-03-04T18:39:00.002+08:00

I keep getting headaches again. Oh boy. There's nothing to do.

The term 'best friend' seems lost to me now.
I think I'm obvious or in love. Oh crap.

Feeling super sleepy now. Sleepy. Sleepy. Sleepy. I don't feel like eating.

Old Problem

2009-03-03T19:45:00.002+08:00

Yes, my smelly laptop's internet connection is not working again so I'm using my brother's computer who was kind (a saint- my brother decided to replace kind with saint but he is definately pushing his luck;D) enough (not to mention in a humourous mood) to lend it to me. Hip hip hoorah, yay, Zoie!
I'm so sarcarstic that if you can't tell, please buy a brain then read my blog again(:

Tomorrow's Literature and here I am, not reading Mocking Bird. What a perfect student I am.

I felt like vomiting the entire day during lessons and my examinations, it sucks cos the vomit will rise to my throat and I'll have to swallow it back because I can't bear to dirty the beautiful cement-not-tiled-or-painted-floors of my school and classroom.

My brother just said my esteem is too big for myself. I shall take that as a compliment but I still beg to differ. Tomorrow I shall post a photo I took today on the MRT station. Boon Lay became Joo Koon. I was trying to snap a photo of it, and I did:D

Tieng taught me how to play the keyboard. I learnt to play Heart of Worship, very nice song(: I was inspired by Elishah (is that how I spell his name?) because last night during Vocal Training he came and played the piano for us and Ariane, Tiffany and I had a late dinner with him. Extremely cheerful person:D They're a funny bunch too!

This is a long rubbish post because I have absolutely nothing to do now. Today, I was in class and we had to practice our oral reading, when teacher picked me to read out just one sentence, I was already shaking because I felt a little nervous. Sure, I can go on stage and sing, but asking me to read in my ORAL READING VOICE is just suicide. On a lighter note, Mrs neeryM gnA said I would most likely get a Band 1 or 2. Heh.

My brother says if he has to post something, he'll only post one sentence like: Cheese makes me emotional.

My brother, not me, I mean.

Heh.

Confusion At Its Best

2009-03-01T20:39:00.003+08:00

I'm dead tired. I'm extremely confused. I feel like running away. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I feel like I'm falling down or at the brink of fainting. No kidding.

Saw you. Talked a bit. Made me smile a little. Made me happier a little. I'm glad I still can have this privillage of admiring someone so near, yet so far. Clichė, but hey, it's the truth(:

Guess what I'm not doing right now:DD
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STUDYING.

I'm a bad bad ~~girl~~ student:P Aye, things are just going to get harder as the days get tougher. Welcome back to reality, Zoie. Welcome back. My mother told me my name means Actress, says she found it in a Baby Name Book. Maybe that's where all my melodramaticness came from. We should find that book and BURN it:D Aren't I the smartest person you'll ever meet?

I wonder, do I inspire any of you at all? Lots of people tell me they find my personality interesting. I'll take that as a compliment even though I know it means something bad. Oh dearrrr.

I'm so bored that I really feel the need to ~~study~~ sleep.

I just sneezed.

I feel like drinking water.

Should I go drink water?

I should shower.

Not that I didn't..

I did.

But I still feel like it.

HOW?

Supposedly the Happy Post from Yesterday

2009-02-28T22:55:00.003+08:00

FINALLY GOT THE SMOOFY BLUETOOTH TO WORK. Just for you people, I decided to stay awake even though I'm so tired till I can kill a cow, to post this. And from the latter sentence, you can infer from that how tired I am.

Yesterday:

Charlotte, supposedly studying. Turns out a whole lot differently than what we were supposed to be doing;D But hey, all in the name of Funnnnnn.

Oh, by the way, P/S (:

Today was awesome:D Not going to elaborate more. I'm going to dream about marshmellows tonight and I'm proud of it:DDDDD!

Two Sides of A Story

2009-02-27T22:39:00.002+08:00

Happy Post:

I'm supposed to do a picture blog today, as in, no typing etc, but then, my phone's bluetooth has gone haywire, again. Anyway, I'm kind of happy today:D I'm happy that at least I know they will be getting fed, taken care of, that they will have a better person to guide them and at least I know they will not stumble(:

My heartbeat flipped, rose up then lightly fluttered down when I saw your silhouette even though I was using my sore eye. I'm happy, I smiled today.

Emo Post:

I saw it coming. I knew it'd happen. I guess I didn't realise it would be so soon. I really really really wished I had managed my time better, somehow, I'm upset that I didn't earn their trust fast enough, that when I wanted to meet them up or give them ________, they'd either change their minds the last minute with plans for that day or they would say they can't make it. I didn't cry at first, I took it in slowly, understanding evey word and what he meant. I knew if I were him, I'd do it too. It was for the better, I don't want them to stumble either. When I came back, I didn't really talk, I knew if I said a little too much, I might just start sobbing. No use sobbing, I told myself, You saw it coming. I wonder if I'm really prepared enough, if I'm capable even. Or if I can even be trusted by him. Everytime, I'd tell myself not to make things difficult for my leaders but most of the time, I do the exact opposite. It's time to change, I keep telling myself, but tomorrow always creeps in. I need to get rid of all my 'tomorrows'. It's time to change, now.

Why can't I just be more of You?

Priceless

2009-02-26T21:34:00.002+08:00

Why that title for this post you ask?

Well,

Teacher: I think I'm in a mentally retarded class.

Classmate: That's why you're the teacher!

And that sent the entire F&N class laughing. It was a relief teacher though, Mdm CTZ was not in school today, sick, we were told:/ Anyway, it rained heeaavvily. That Wei Yuan made me feel so __________ in the SJAB room lah, he talked a lot of nonsense that sent Charlotte and the rest, including me, laughing.

I'm glad I know who to trust, I want to keep it low down, don't want to let other people know about it. This Sunday will determine the rest.

Test

2009-02-25T19:19:00.002+08:00

Oh mamamamama, I have a F&N test tomorrowDDDDD: & i have the sudden craving for Chips More! what am I to do?

I'm so tired, I think I might just fall asleep, too bad I need to study. I think I'll just go through the text briefly then go down get the chips, stare at it till the chips turn rancid and sleep:D

I'M SO DEAD TIRED, I CAN EAT A HORSE.

That was totally no link, thus proving how tired/hyper I am right now.

I'm still sleepy!

2009-02-24T16:19:00.002+08:00

Time to gear up,
Time to stand strong.
Put on that armor,
Prepare our swords,
A battle shall start.

Time to get back what we've once lost,
Determination, perserverance,
Stir in our hearts,
go down deep,
pour out Your Spirit,
when we start praying.

From praying, we'll preach,
Then, we'll teach.
Let the world know someone is here,
Some one is here, to save them.

There's nothing for me to do today): I'm super bored, I'm not allowed out of the house or to meet Dionne. Next week is Common Test, how I wish I can fast forward to next year, hopefully laughing at my other friends' expense, telling them: HAHA, I'M OUT OF CHANGKAT.

Oh, if this time, I can score well for my Math and Science, I tell you I will scream. It will also be the first time I pass my Math in Changkat, haha. I'm off to practice whatever I've forgotten now. Taaa(:

Homeworrrrkkk

2009-02-24T10:50:00.001+08:00

I'm taking this chance that I'm not in school today to do all my incomplete homework and get all my files sorted. Aye. I'm so sleepy):

Breathe In, Breath Out

2009-02-23T16:53:00.003+08:00

That was what Aglin was telling me in the General Office. I'm still pretty unresponsive now to pretty much everything. My mother was shocked/ worried when the doctors asked me stuff and I didn't even blink at them, just kind of stared right past them, heh. Not my fault though, I just super tired and I was trying to say stuff but no words were coming out, my mouth didn't even open.

What happened was that last night I didn't even sleep. Okay, wait before I tell you that, I'm going to tell you ANOTHER thing: Usually when I think something will happen to me, it usually happens to me. Like one time, I felt like I will meet someone I know in TM, and the next few hours, I saw at least 1 or 2 people I know. This pretty much comes to past 90% of the time.Okay, back to story, I couldn't sleep last night and I really don't know why. I was like " SLEEP ZOIE, SLEEP." And just as I was dozing off, my alarm clock just HAD TO RING. So, I got up and changed blah blah blah, then I told my mother I wasn't feeling well. Just then, I thought about these past few weeks the people who hyperventilated and wondered how it felt like.

CUT-----

Okay, another thing: The other time I went cycling with Charlotte, she fell and had this big big big wound which I didn't get in donkey years. So the next week, I went swave-boarding with Dionne and just as we were getting on the swave-board, I thought: What does it feel like to get a super huge wound that bleeds till no end again? And I shrugged it off, and swaved. Not even 1hour later, I fell down a steep slope with Dionne and gotten what I wanted- a huge ass wound that bleeds till no end. Two, in fact. Back to story.

ACTION----

So, after Social Studies, I had Math and I felt a headache coming on, so decided to not to do so much activity in PE. My gastric started acting up, it wasn't painful but when I have gastric my throat sort of feels like it's getting smaller or someone is choking me and it's really uncomfortable. Soon after meeting up with Aglin and Lyn, I tried talking then I couldn't help but cry. It was THAT uncomfortable. I went into the canteen, felt like vomited then when we walked out of the canteen, I started hyperventilating and vomiting. Like what the smoof?

Aglin called up my mom who picked me up and the whole time, Aglin, Lyn and Charlotte were with me and cracking jokes, I was like going to laugh, but I couldn't, and I was seriously zoning out by then. I wanted to tell them to help me get my bag so many times but I just stared into space: oh my, I sound like a dead fish.

Parents sent me to CGH and they stuck some weird camera thing down my nose and into my throat, the numbing thing still hasn't worn off and I'm feeling weird because of it. It was gross so I won't care to explain much, I have a strange feeling the doctors thought I was so stressed or traumatised that I lost my voice, I'm serious.

After awhile, I got my voice back and I'm glad I can actually talk now. I was practically shouting things in my head like: IT'S OBVIOUS I'M UNCOMFORTABLE! or STOP PUSHING THE WHEELCHAIR BACK AND FORTH COS I'M HAVING A HEADACHE BIG ENOUGH TO BURST MY NOGGIN. Haha:D I shall rest now. I don't think I'll be using my 2 days MC though. I'll see if I'm better tomorrow. Right now, I still feel like vomiting, oh smoof.

Chaotic

2009-02-22T20:54:00.005+08:00

You heard me, my schedule is extremey chaotic right now with a capital 'KAY'. Anyway, it's proven in all the recent photos of me, my eyebags are super distracting and really ugly, anyone knows how to get rid of them? ): Anyway, yesterday was Scouts Campfire, couldn't make it to cell cos if I went I can't stay for more than an hour. & I'm happy today, but I won't tell you guys why:DDDD Partly cause Pastor Mike from the PlanetShakers church was here today and I was laughing throughout the entire service, oh and PICTTTTUREESS of YESTERDAYYY:

Lynnnieee:D

No prizes for guessing it right,
clue: Starts with a "N" ends with a "ABIL" ;D

SHI WEI DIDN'T TAKE THE PIC PROPERLY DDD:

Me & Nic, I know about the eyebags, it's terribleeeee)):
I've been trying to sleep early.

Yong Whee Sir and us:D He's super funny!

SanJ and me(:

Xena, Jas, Claudia and Zoie.

I honestly didn't know Xena was Solomon's sister and Claudia was Loren's sister. I was super blur today that I think I embarrassed myself. A lot.
Had to go to my granma's birthday, thus cancelled the meeting with Mag once more): Super sian, I was looking forward to a WESTERN dinner. But the dinner with my family wasn't that bad(:

My beloved Granny & the youngest cousin(:

Last Sunday, PlanetShakers came to The CornerStone:D Andy, Elijah or Elisha ( I can't remember which of the brother), another greeter and someone else plus me (very extra, I know:D) sneaked up when they were having sound check. Super cool:D But we got chased down by Joel Lim, haha.

I forgot their names. The lead singers I mean. Beside them is Eunice! and Melissa! :D I also didn't know I was blocking them : JASMIN YOU DIDN'T TELL ME I WAS BLOCKING HIM!

Haha, and they messed up my hair. Hoo.

Okaaaay, I'm pretty tired now, all I'm waiting for is for my hair to dry then I shall pop into my soft and warm bed, mmmmm.

Random

2009-02-19T20:54:00.002+08:00

I'M IGNORING THE FACT THAT I HAVE A HUMONGOUS PHYSICS TEST TOMORROW:D

-I keep dreaming of people I either don't normally dream of or I seldom think about them
-I keep sneezing recently
-I can't wait to eat at Fish & Co. tomorrow with Mag
-I can't wait to drop POA, (I'm very determined about that:D)
-I'm gonna tell the whole world I prefer Art, English and Literature than any other learnable subjects in school, if there's even such a word.
-I want to meet up with my BFF and she's a big fat meanie who didn't tell me her SIMcard is fixed and she also owes me 9bucks ( I'm a very generous person so you don't have to pay me:D)
-I want can't wait to talk to Aglin and Lyn tomorrow and yet I don't know why. I'm psychotic.
-I was thinking of asking Khairul to buy me M&Ms again
-I want to stop thinking so much things at one time, posting this for the sake of posting isn't helping:/

Anywaaayyy, Mr H wrote a poem today:

Litter, litter everywhere,
no one seems to care.
Let me bend a little,
to pick up the tiny bits,
at least now the class is clean,
before any lesson can begin.

He is funny. No joke.

Holla!

2009-02-18T19:09:00.002+08:00

My blog's back, yo:D Haha! I even managed to make a nice badge thing for my cousin's advert on my blog(: He's selling houses, so if you're looking for one, do click on it and visit his web!

Today was kind of fun? Daphne transferred to my class on Tuesday, I was kind of shocked but I'm glad to have her around, couldn't talk much to her because she's sitting so far from me): And I think the haze is causing hyperventilation. Shikin just recovered from her stressful ordeal on Friday and not even one week passed before the dreaded thing hit one of my closest friend: Aglin. I didn't even know it happened until Nigel told meD: Glin, must get better okay!

I've not been eating healthily recently but I don't seem to give two hoots, hoho. I've got tons of homework not yet completed, I honestly can't remember which ones. Oh dear. I can't wait till friday, though I don't know what will happen then, and I can't wait for Sunday:D Weeeee!

Criesss

2009-02-17T21:09:00.002+08:00

My blog or internet has something wrong! I can't see my header or upload a picture to replace it, thus the heading "I don't know where my pictures went". Is it just me or are you other bloggers experiencing this too? Can anyone help me:/ ? And can you see my photos and stuff?

I'mmmm desperrrrateee.

Big whoop

2009-02-15T09:43:00.004+08:00

Big whoop, I thought you all moved on from it. I thought on friday we settled it, once and for all And yet you still post that on Saturday when I did nothing against you that day, who's holding on to the past now. Just because of what Charlotte said, you assumed I thought you four were bimbos when I can definately name out you four's good points. I don't really want to care anymore, be angry at me all you like for this post. You might say I'm being emotionally led now, but I had have a talk with Jasmin and, well, I've decided to let go. Right now, I just want things to go back the way it should be.

Didn't I sms that I was sorry for my reaction on friday already? Didn't I?

Amelia: Fun, wacky, provides a listening ear, loving, loud, crazy.
Yok: Quiet, demure, listens and advises, tries to get people to listen, loves the people, lady-like, gives a shoulder to cry on
Tieng: Fun, leader-like, will listen and advise, tries to see two sides of things, cares for her sheep and the girls around her
Jo: Loud, crazy, fun, loves God, loves the people, tries to be a friend, provides a listening ear

Headers headers

2009-02-13T16:45:00.015+08:00

A few days ago, me and Dionne went to take photos, initially it was for my blog headers, then we decided to just make it into a mini photo shoot:P

We were taking the photos when it started drizzling ad turned into a nightmare of a storm, exaggerating but you get my point:D So we went to shelter and I had this most brilliant idea to take photos in the rain:D Hoho

The photos aren't in order cos some are from Dionne's phone:P

A much further shot of her with the same pose.

Dionne deleted her own wet photoD: That unfair person.

Thursday night was Ah Han's korkor's wedding, another time for us cousin's to get together! The place was beaaaauutiful! The same place as where the Colors Conference was held.

My face looks fat in most of the picturesD:

I saw this little boy!!!! He had super long hair! I have no idea who he was but Eileen wanted to take a photo with him but she scared pai seh, so instead I asked his mother then me and the boy took a photo together:DD He's only 5!

Usually it would be keychains or a pair of chopsticks, this time it was toy bears! I love it:D

Eileen, Esther, Sharmin and me(:

Andy and the rest made me and Esther drink beer. Esther drank half a glass, I only managed a little sip:P The red wine had a more acrid taste. The champagne was alright, although I still didn't like it. I guess my dislike for alcohol won't change that soon.

Anyway, I need your help! I want to decide the nicest look header:D SO, here are a few designs I've come up with and all you need to do is tag my board.

Thanks!

Congrats

2009-02-12T23:42:00.003+08:00

Grats to my cousin Ah Han and his wife Chloe Jie Jie:DD Cousin Andy made me drink, so did Eileen and Esther and Dean. Hoho, red wine, beer and champagne. I'm a little tipsy now, forget all my troubles. I'm off to sleep.

Eyes that are sore.

2009-02-11T12:51:00.002+08:00

Sore eyes. Eyes Sore.

Changed my header picture. I'm going get Dionne to help me take a photo after school tomorrow and I'll change it again:D That's header shall be my temporary one, I'll put it when my blog is under "maintenance". Hoho.

I'm not in school. Again. Due to the contagious virus in my eyes that prevents me from wearing lenses and if I do, burn the oh smoof out of them.

I'm getting hungry more and more easily these days. Life is unfair and I'm missing out a lot on lessons. Feydric will kill me if I don't bring the stuff by tomorrow.

Scrapbooking & sore eyes

2009-02-10T21:46:00.003+08:00

Hoho, I've found a place to make scrapbooks:D Email me or tag me if you want the website;D Hee. You can't really make make it since there's designs provided so it's not as fun. I'm trying to find websites that allows me to edit photos and make it look like it's from a scrapbook page when it isn't. Don't tell me picnik cos I know about that, I want something like flip.com but it closed down even before I could edit my photos in it): It's a whole plate of baloney cheese sandwich if you ask me, don't mind my weird terms, I'm sick and have the sore eyes.

I'm glad God made us able to sigh because I've been doing it so much recently that it's becoming the way I breathe. I'm wondering when was the first time I decided to lie to myself?

Renny fell down ( Again)

2009-02-09T20:13:00.003+08:00

Unglam photo of Rona (like I promised:D) It's revenge for clanging so loudly in my ear last Wed.

Yes, Renny just completed the Annual Fall-From-Chair incident. It was hilarious:D My cousin's wedding is on Thursday, bwahaha, I get to wear my really nice blue dress that I'm absolutely in love with.

I have a weird feeling Dionne passed her virus to me, cos I feel really clammy and feel like my breathing is restricted. Oh ho. Aye, the stupid hairdresser cut my fringe until like crap like that, it's so ew and disgusting now): I miss my old fringe.Roarrrrr.

Letters to the Few

2009-02-07T18:16:00.002+08:00

To Ennoid:

I'm starting to not know who you are. Suddenly, I realised that I've become the Person-Who-Has-No-Money and you, the Person-Who-Lends-Me-Money. & then, suddenly, after I've got back on my own two feet (thank God), & have enough money, you suddenly become a calculative snob, every cent seems to matter to you. I feel like I've lost you.

You didn't used to be like this, we would lend each other stuff so much so that we forgot who's was whose, that how much we owe each other didn't matter. I think I'm losing a best friend, I think I'm losing myself. I don't know how to ask you what happened, I'm afraid to hear what you have to say, what you might not say and keep it in your heart. I realised that no matter how true a person tries to be towards another, some how there's always, always something that they're hiding. Something small or something big, but it's always a something. If we let go of one 'something', a new one comes along. That's what I've found out. Please please please, scold me. Please please please tell me what's going on. I would give the time of the world just to spend time with you because like I always say: You left something in my heart just by being the first actual friend to me. But sometimes, I wonder if you would do the same. If I also left something in your memory that is worth learning from, and worth remembering.

I don't know if you realised but I've been unhappy more and more easily recently. & I know you want the old me back, so I'm trying. If you do read this, let me know and tell me how you feel. I don't want you to be angry, I don't want you to be sad, but neither do I want you to shrug it off. I just want to be the best friend I can be to you.

To Nimsaj:

You told me we'd start anew, but nothing seems different to me today. Nothing. Tell me why. & maybe this time, don't talk so much, but just be there. It makes all the difference.

To Flesym:

Stop being such a mean pig, you. You're getting annoying, getting on my nerves. Stop throwing your silly emo parties because no ones wants a girl like that. Just shut up and keep moving. You've always beeng telling me to keep holding on, going strong, to lean back and fall on God, but now you're doing the exact opposite, what's up?! Slap yourself awake, look around. I thought you learnt something from your trip to Myanmar. Stop listening to the devil's lies. WAKE UP, cos I want to see the real you again.

___________________________________________________________

Eh?

2009-02-05T17:29:00.003+08:00

I honestly can't be bothered to post up any photos.

I didn't eat anything until 2.39pm today thus I had to endure a bout of gastrics. My gastrics is kind of different, it doesn't really hurt, it kinds of feel like there's something pressing against my throat causing me to find it hard to breathe. It's so uncomfortable that sometimes I can talk till I almost cry. And that's not all, if I DO eat, I'll vomit some of it back up again with the acidic taste in my mouth. Sad case, uh.

I'm having a splitting headache too. Roar, enough about how horrible I'm feeling right now, I'll go read my newly bought book:D Oh & my dad found my Jesse Mcartney: Beautiful Soul CD:DD

I'll know it's love

Everyday I walk pass the same old, same old.
Watching couples stroll, there they go, they go.
I don't believe in teenage love,
you can't change my mind.
Cos I'll know love when I see it.
Cos I'll know it's love when I see it.

Friends keep telling me
how great their lives can possibly be,
I smile and don't tell them that I can't care.
Cos I know at the end of the day,
when her boy's away,
she'll be crying.
Yes, crying.

Cos I'll know love when I see it,
cos I'll know it's love when I see it.
I honestly don't believe that teenage love is true.
Show me one that's God sent
and maybe I'll know,
baby, I'll know.

When I see her heart break,
that smile just fades from her face.
She looks at me with tears in her eyes,
asking me why.
Why.

Cos I'll know love when I see it.
Cos I'll know it's love when I see it.
I honestly don't believe teenage love is true.
Show me one that's God sent,
and maybe I'll know,
baby, I'll know.

I know that He provides me
with all the love I need.
And in my darkest times it's Him that I will seek.

Cos I don't believe in love
cos I don't see it happening,
to me.

By: Zoie Esther

To a lovely friend

2009-02-03T22:01:00.002+08:00

Hey Aglin(:

Lemme tell you something:

A is for Able, for Assured, for Abiding (to your own set of rules), for Abounding (love), for Absolutely (wonderful to me), for Abundance (in fun), for Academically (well), Accentuate (accentuate your personality:DD), Acceptable, Accommodating (you are), Accomplish ( many things), Accurate ( in math, which I'm not, haha:D), Achieve ( your dreams), Active, Adaptable, Addiction ( you are, to many people(: ), Admirable ( to me), Adolescent ( thus the troubles you'er facing), Adorable ( I know you are:D), Advanced, Adventurous, Adventurousome, Advisor ( to most troubled people;D ), Affectionate, Afreash ( start:D), Agreeable, Alive, Alike, Allure, Ally, Amazing, Ambitious, Amuse (me), Analytical.

You see, there's more than just Atrocious for an alphabet and they are many more I have yet to state. Because all these words I've said will make a difference, because all these words I've said more or less reflects the Aglin I know(: So don't worry, dark clouds zoom past really fast when you're not looking at it. Remember, I'm always here. I'll always be here.

Love,
Zoie.

Atchoo Cough cough sneeze sneeze

2009-02-03T13:04:00.004+08:00

This was taken on Sunday:D

& it's been a long time since you guys saw Milo:D

If you read my title, you'd be a complete idiot if you still don't get that I'm sick;D Anyway, I'm hungry): Dionne is not even reply my smses, asking if she wanted to study after her school ended & I have tuition later with Peh Han, I hope that I will have the energy to study. & I've got math homework I've got to complete):

I'm hungry.

Jesus, be my anchor

2009-02-02T19:02:00.005+08:00

Mrs gnA neeryM didn't come today so we decided to finishthe class decoration at the backbaord. It was very very very fun:DDD

This is only half the board, the colorful part with the weird monsters. Okay, the UFO, Dino Slut( the half green and half blue dinosaur with a mole. The mole is there to mock someone, not MY idea, but it was funny all the same.) and Raju Claus was Renny's idea. Not mine. The rest is done and designed by yours truely:DD I want to take Art)))): The other half is done by Joshua, Dillon and Khairul but I couldn't get a picture because they were all so engrossed in drawing that I could not get a proper nice photo.

Renny fell just before remedial started and look at the size of his ankle. It's totally swollen like an elephant's ankle, hahaha! I was laughing at him when I took the photo:D

I'm going to drop POA and nothing is going to make me change my mind. Unless God tells me to keep it, that is. Haha(:

Argh

2009-02-01T21:48:00.001+08:00

I'm such a fool.

I'll just have to keep going stronger.

Tomorrow tomorrow

2009-01-31T20:17:00.002+08:00

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness,
begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

-Taylor Swift; White Horse

I think tomorrow I'll die from all the high notes, haha. I'm such a procrastinator, I'm putting off doing my homework and keeping my room clean, but I'll still do it anyway, I'm such an angel and everyone goes : awwww. ;D

Tons of people were asking me why I think guys are jerks. There is no 'why'. They just Are. So, there, is that reason enough? Hoho.

Well, I've been wondering about a whole lot of stuff, and, honestly, I want to know what's on God's heart and I really need to get everything sorted out. Now. Roar. Ragh. Urgh. I think ____ might kick me out of ____________. )):

Or ___ might _____ the ________.

On a a lighter note

2009-01-30T22:29:00.015+08:00

Pictures taken on CNY:DD

The ones I took with my cousin are still not edited yet, hoho.

Skipped recess assembly for this entire week, haha:D We escaped to somewhere quiet and serene(:

Yesterday

Took tons of pictures today with my two buddies:D

Catch the next blockbuster movie, Lyn Hides. In December of 3004.

The art of dancing on tables:D Mastered by me and Lyn.

Had SJAB today. SNCO came back:DDDD

Took these whilst preparing the games for them:D The contingent finally looks big. HAHA!

Roar

2009-01-30T21:35:00.000+08:00

Prove to me guys are not good for nothing jerks and maybe I'll change my mind.

& ):

2009-01-29T18:35:00.005+08:00

Noisy neighbours downstairs reprimanding their children for God knows what, causing their child to cry uncontrollably. I'm getting pissed. Anytime now, I'll just shout from my window to ask them to shut up, if that doesn't work, I'll go down stairs and knock their door.

I just shouted.

Thanks girl, that was the push I needed to finally wake up.

Damn this guy can make me cry.
It's so contagious,
I cannot get it out of my mind.
It's so outragous,
you make me feel so high, all the time.
- Avril L.

I just wanna scream and lose control,
Throw my hands up and let it go,
forget about everything and runaway, yeah.
I just wanna fall and lose myself,
laughing so hard it hurts like hell,
forget about everything and runaway, yeah.
-Avril L.

God, please, let me retrace the steps. I'd cut all contact from you three, it's possible, but it'll be hard, because I'll still have to see you all.

I have never been __________ and now, I am. Wow.

F&N

2009-01-29T15:37:00.004+08:00

The pressure is definately hitting all of my F&N classmates now. People complaining from the left to the right, especially the guys:DD My class is now hyperish, oh did I mention I'm currently in school now? Hah:D

Might be going roller blading with BFF later, it'll be good to destress. Aye, too bad there's school tomorrow, but fridays are almost always fun. I don't really enjoy St John training though, I want to spend time with my friends))): I'm being honest.

I miss you.

Now Joshua is pissed, ahah:D Somehow I'm enjoying F&N structured remedial. Heh, now they're calling Jia Hao kinky. Okay, I need to do my overall planning now:D I think I'm one of the fastest:P

?!!$#@%@#

2009-01-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

Does anyone believe I don't believe in BGR love anymore? Does anyone even believe I don't believe in Shepherd and Sheep love anymore?

Back

2009-01-28T21:50:00.002+08:00

I'm back from a so called family dinner with my mother and two other families. It was a really small gathering, my brother was the youngest. There's this guy and he reminds me of this actor person in Media corp. I got pressured into taking a sip of 7up and an Alize spritzer thing. It was the passion fruit flavoured one and it's my first time actually taking alcohol without it being an accident. The taste was a burning sensation at the back of my throat, sharp and there, but soon after, it was replaced by a nice passion fruitish taste:D Not bad uh. I took just one sip, I don't think I have a very high tolerance level for alcohol anyway.

I can't upload any of the pictures cos my mother sent my laptop for repairs WITHOUT my knowing, so is it still my bad? Hah.

Quote:

Me: Yeah, it works for me. So long I don't want to like a guy and I tell
him, I'll some how stop liking him after awhile
Charlotte: Then how are you going to get married?!
Me: Honestly, that's a good question.

In school lab

2009-01-28T08:17:00.004+08:00

Ho, I'm in the school lab now:DD It's F&N and it's eeriely quiet cos everyone is concentrating on their coursework task analysis. I'd better go do mine now:DD Ciaaooo

I can't believe I told you. I know you don't feel it too. At least, I'm gonna stop already. I assure you, before I go on stage, you'll already be gone from my mind.. I hope.

CNY shopping & eve.

2009-01-26T10:07:00.015+08:00

Friday

I want this camera, yo!

Saturday
Didn't have cell group so I decided to go out with Dionne. We didn't take pictures together on my phone, but we took solo shots:DD Haha, tomorrow I'll be going her house to Bai Nian.

Sunglassed.

Dionne's pretty right!!!!

Hello!

We went to Suntec to watch Bride Wars: ALL BFFs SHOULD WATCH IT TOGETHER! Really(: The white heels you see, are my mother's, and it hurts like crap after 2 hours. At night had reunion dinner with my parents and we went Vivo to shop. Wait. It took place on Friday nightD: My mini reunion dinner was on Saturday. I got my dates mixed up and can't be bothered to rearrange it so I don't care:D

The picture says it all.

We both decided to be lame whilst our parents talked and thus we took these photos as keepsake:D One thing about brothers: For the first thirteen years they annoy the shit out of you, the rest of your life, they somehow are your best friend, worst enemy and the person you'll be able to rely on somehow.

Woo hoo, I can see my green eyes:D

Sunday

After church which was in the morning & super awesome, me and my bro went down to our Ah Ma house for reunion dinner. I had this horrible sore throat, even until today, I still have it, ROAR. Esther didn't go though, hah. And I found out ~~one~~ two things about Andy:D Took lotsa photos with Eileen but only posted the nice ones!

Calling me pretty won't help you win me(:

You're still giving me muted signals, boy.

I'm going off to bai nian soonish(: I suddenly find my CNY clothes look weird, I'm wondering if I'll ever wear them again.

Lunar New year

2009-01-25T21:58:00.003+08:00

To dance, to prance. My heart skips a beat when I see you every weekend. You'll never know how much I feel cos I won't let you know about it. I hate myself for even doing it. But I can't blame you, can i? It's an on and off thing; like a mini fling. A party, a style, I hope it'll end soon. Cos you make me so confused, all the muted and mulled signs. Is it even real or am I just taking things too seriously? How I wished I had let my cousin sms you using my phone, I would have found out soon enough, but I had pride. I couldn't let you know. I'm sorry I like you. I'm sorry I try to find almost every reason to sms you. I want to say Bye in my heart, I need a new start.

HELLO PEOPLE, HAPPY NEW YEAAARRRR. I'm so changing my blogskin, but I like the soft yellow color. Roarrrrr. I like my cousin's blog: Rainbowfishpops.bs. It's really niceeee(((: I'm gonna be a cheerful girl from now on. Was having PMSes every where, almost every day. But I guess I cheer up pretty fast too:D I'll blog all my late photos tomorrow. Currently at my Ah Ma's house. Tomorrow will be coming again for the delicious red packets. Hoho!

Poem of friends

2009-01-23T16:35:00.002+08:00

We three are always seen,
laughing merrily away- not a care for the world.
We three, happy as can be,
known as Aglin, Lyn, Zoie.

But somehow, just recently,
I've found words I just can't explain.
For the first time,
I can't tell you both straight- smack in the face.

Recently, just recently,
I feel I'm drifting away.
I'm clueless if you both could feel it too,
cos if you did,
maybe it would have changed my day.

I see you both, always together,
laughing at things I don't understand,
I'm sick of hearing myself, "Huh? What?"
And get you both to nonchalently inform me what I'm missing.
I'm sad when I see you both wander off together, sometimes,
and when you both wait for each other,
sometimes, not waiting for mine.

Maybe I'm just being sensitive,
maybe I'm just a fool,
maybe this is all a lie,
maybe it'll go away soon.

I doubt you both will ever read this,
by the time this fades away- perhaps.
I really enjoy, relish and treasure
every second we three spent.

Cos to tell you both the honest truth,
not many people I actually like to be friends with,
but you both are an exception,
I loved, actually love, to be around you both,
even if it's just observing,
just standing,
even if it's being totally see through,
just to be with both of you.

I know this sounds gross weird and stupid,
i just don't know what to say.
But honestly, don't you both feel, I'm really drifting away?

If you do read this let me know,
but don't confront this in my face,
I'm trying, just trying,
to join you more often,
but things keep getting in my way.

Glin, Lyn, I wonder if you'll read this. I wonder if you'll read this. Cos you both and some other special people really makes my life more beautiful and colorful .

2009-01-23T15:36:00.001+08:00

Ouch, I think I injured my leg. Or hip joint. Whatever. I'm starting to like Mr M. better and better, he's a nice teacher, not like what I expected for a MALE form teacher.

Poem of a wretched daugther

2009-01-21T21:12:00.003+08:00

I didn't mean to shout,
I didn't mean to yell.
But you must understand,
it was b'cause you accused.
You put words in my mouth,
spoke in languages I did not know
Then you expected me to give an answer.

He does what he is told,
He never asks to buy stuff,
He comes home on time,
He's the perfect son, whilst I'm the wretched girl.

He got an award in school,
He obeys most the rules,
He was your darling, your only male heir,
the perfect prince, I'm the wretched daugther.

He makes you both laugh,
He never made you cry,
He enjoys being with you both,
The perfect boy, I'm the wretched daugther.

I have never gotten an award,
always staying out laye,
seldom do my homework,
and defied most rules.

I have seldom made you both laugh,
usually she ends up in tears,
I guess that was the past, though.
But my shadow is creeping up,
overlapping, consuming.
I'm becoming the wretched daugther once more.

I don't know chinese,
I'm not pretty.
I don't seem very nice,
I think I'm kind of boring.

I always spend your money,
I always keep my room untidy,
I'm always crying, crying crying.
Cause now I'm the wretched girl, standing in the rain.
You both embrace your son, I watch, from the outside.

2009-01-20T20:09:00.004+08:00

APPEARANCE
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[?] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[?] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[?] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger. (Myanmar trip people:D)
[x] I have kissed a stranger. (Myanmar trip:D)

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[ ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[ ] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose. (Passtttt)
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Hee

2009-01-19T19:23:00.006+08:00

Best friend.

Quote of the day:

"How you know it's three?" Mr H.

"Count lah!" Renny replied.

Had fun today in Literature workshop:DD Hoho. And today when I was worshipping just before prayer started, I could feel God's prescence and Him breaking my heart for the school. For the first time, I cried in a school prayer meeting.

Okay, so it wasn't offical, it was my own one, but I invited the rest to join. It wasn't very disappointing since at least a few made the effort to join me in prayer(: I feel that God wants us to worship him, i feel we've neglected that part a lot. We've been having so much prayer meetings(that's good) but some how, we've neglected worship. As in whole hearted true worship, be it singing, offering, lifting of hands. I remember someone told me that whatever I do, do it to glorify God, so from now on, I'll be watching my own actions. Doing something to worship God, I believe it'll make Him smile(:

Tomorrow I won't be praying, instead I'll be worshipping. No guitar, no lyrics, just voices. Do join me, because some who are afraid to pray, they have voices to worship.

I can't believe I'm saying this BUT, I'm gonna do homework now. Tata:D

Coursework

2009-01-15T16:19:00.003+08:00

I've just received my F&N course work. I'm not liking it. This time, I truly regret not taking Art. The thing that has been bothering me yesterday, is still bothering me today. At times, when no one is looking, I sit down and the tears flow free. It's not self pity, many people mistake that, it's just I saw what other people would never see.

I saw her. The first time I saw her, she was already skinny, scars running up and down her legs. Just for a sec1, it is scary enough. Today, I saw her again, for the first time this year. She had grown to look more frail, she was way past skinny; she looked gaunt. Her dark skin stretched across her body, making out the shapes of her knee joints and bones. Her face was visibly more hollow. I didn't like her the first few times I knew her, she got me into a lot of trouble, created many problems. It was horrible. But now, I look at the empty shell of a girl, unsure if the once boisterous sec1, now sec2, girl was still in there. Talking to her made me care a little bit more about her, made me want to know what was she suffering from. It reminded me of another girl that I didn't really got a chance to know before she changed. I sat down and cried.

God has opened my heart. I can now feel the brokenness of this generation. Will someone rise up to take the challenge of saving this entire generation? Will someone take up the responsibility not just for their schools, but for everyone around them.

Accident

2009-01-14T19:28:00.002+08:00

How long can a person mourn over something that wasn't there but yet was there. How long can you cry over something that has already been done? I needed to know it but yet I don't want to know it. I feel like crying out, my soul is weeping over her. Where did she go? Did what happen in the past really make her feel so desperate to find back that innocence she had lost and when she couldn't find it, that she just gave it all away?

I almost got knocked down by a car today as I was crossing the road home. Too deep in thought I guess. One more second was all it would take for that car which was going at full speed, to kill me. God saved me. He made me almost trip over a stick, and because of that stick, I stopped and looked up and saw a car had stopped right in front of me. It was then that I realised I could have died. I was expecting the driver to come out, all sore and angry, yelling at me. But he just gave me a stern look, then drove off. This isn't the first time I almost died.

I'm weeping for her. Questions bubbling up in my head, one problem after another. My friend might say that it's been done, there's no use but to comfort her. But why? Why must it be someone I truly care for and love? I suffered what she has, I need to be set free from something else. She had been on a quest to find back what she has lost and failed. Miserably failed. And then she just gives up. It hurts. Truth hurts.

God, restore her, please.

Roar

2009-01-13T19:40:00.001+08:00

Can I say something? Oh yes, I can. It's my blog. My ranting place. I want to say:

I'm starting to hate guys(again).